Every night about this time Jon shoots up from his chair, cursing the mug of hot tea in his hand because PLAP! he’s lost another biscuit into his cup. Every night, without fail. What’s wrong with him? Mine don’t fall in. He’s over dipping, or worse his technique is all wrong, but suggesting as much only enrages him further.

Jon’s colleague asked him if he knew what my favourite biscuit was. He did, it’s a discussion we have repeatedly, but is it a question I am really able to answer? It’s a big commitment and ever changing, sometimes it’s a simple malted milk, other times a dark chocolate hobnob. I long for white chocolate covered malted milks to exist, perhaps I should make some. I wouldn’t let Jon have any, he’d only send them to an early and very soggy grave.

Jon and I are probably the 2 most critical people I know, we collectively pick holes in and improve on everything we encounter, from documentry narrations, to toy design, to most commonly food. If we hadn’t had children and weren’t so lazy and home loving we’d make awesome restaurant critics. Also if we find something we love, we’re happy to say so. I recently tried peanut butter Oreos. I love peanut butter, my Mum used to have to limit to me to 1 teaspoon full a day. But I did not enjoy these biscuits, burnt tasting and bitter, the taste stayed in my mouth and burps for hours to come, had they been dip worthy Jon could have dropped as many in his tea as he wished. They were sent away to a more willing audience. I’m not a fan of cream fillings in general, I mean biscuits you dirty minded lot! I think it’s because I’m a dipper. I would never just eat a biscuit straight out the tin. It’s only ever alongside a cuppa, perhaps that’s why Jon plaps his biscuits in his tea such a lot, he’d happily snack on a dry biscuit. I find it weird. The boys are yet to master dipping their biscuits, they both prefer to munch them as they come. That’ll change one day. We also tried Golden Oreos, now those we liked, particularly Jon, salty and ludicrously sweet, dip-friendly in Jon’s mind, less likely to lead to plapping incidents. I might enjoy a couple but still veer back for a plainer biscuit, rummage around for a Nice, digestive or malted milk, or even better a chocolate covered gem, everything is improved by chocolate.

So, do I know what my favourite biscuit is? I think I do, it’s just not been made, yet…


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