Gingerbread Man.

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We’ve been away to Cornwall. I adore Cornwall and constantly refer to it as my favourite place. My entire family, all on holiday together, in different properties on the same chalet site, right by the sea. There were many highlights, Eddie pouring an entire blue slushy down his pyjamas, swimming in the sea with my dear friend, 5 minutes of undisturbed splashing with my cute neice, Ruru quietly singing twinkle little star during our overnight journey and not so quietly singing “I do like be seaside, I do like be seaside” on a loop whilst dancing in circles on the sand, pasties, picnics, sunsets and waves. There were occasional lowlights, the amount of stuff required by 2 toddlers faced with many different opportunities to need a different type or change of clothes, rain, sunshine, wind blowing a hoolie, weewee, rockpools and the sea. There were more strops, toileting mishaps (shitty pants) and breakdowns than I’ve ever had from them and I had toothache for 4 days, but thankfully not nearly as many downpours as predicted by the increasingly incorrect BBC weather app.

I packed about 8 packets of biscuits, ranging from Sainsburys basic digestives to Aldi Custard Creams, mind you the boys were so out of sorts Eddie screamed like a baby for a full half an hour because he didn’t like Custard Creams, I’d offered him one as a snack, how awful of me. You’ll be pleased to know he soon revoked his decision once he came to his senses. The boys are particular fans of a story book called Toot and Pop, about a tiny tug boat called Pop (channel 5 made a TV series and changed the names, we do not, will not watch that programme) it features a lighthouse called Lenny and he was there, in Cornwall! Tin mines, whenever you see one you must stick your pointy finger in the air, replicating the shape of a tin mine with your hand, and Lenny lighthouse, Godrevy lighthouse to you and me, were highlights for the boys, they’re still talking about them now we’re home.

A strange and well captured moment of sheer joy for me was when Jon bought the boys a very large gingerbread man each from our favourite bakery. They were very excited and grateful when presented with them, they eagerly tucked in, hungry from an afternoon of digging and splashing and running and poorly but entertainingly throwing cricket balls back to their patient uncle. Eddie then lunged up and said, “Try your’s Ruru?” he didn’t wait for an answer, he took a bite off his brothers biscuit, I was about to suggest that it wasn’t particularly kind when he proffered his up to Ruru and allowed him to munch as much as he liked. Wow I thought, sharing and kindness might just be within reach.

I know I’m exceptionally lucky to have had this week of family fun but I was left with a slight  sadness, a selfish one. I miss being on holiday with just Jon, I miss it being just us, calm, indulgent, free-flowing quiet escapism. I want more time for us but I’m also not willing to cause my boys or anyone else any stress to satisfy myself. Strange and unexpected strains are put on us, mainly due to changes in me I suspect, ones I know we can survive, we’ve always been an intensely close couple and creating something together that we may love more than each other is weird. Parenting is weird. Don’t over think Ami. I loved being in Cornwall the highlights outshone the lows by far, and no amount of troublesome and glorious twin boy madness will change that, see you next year Lenny, I hope.

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