Biscuit Phase


My child has just said goodnight to my breasts, “goonight boos”. I haven’t really given them a name yet, but Rufus is obsessed. A real boob phase, pulling my t-shirt down saying, “What is it called mummy?” I just tell him that’s where I wear my boo-baa, bra to you and I, and try to brush over it. So many little phases have come and gone, and come back again, some cute, some God awful. From holding hands, to picking noses, saying sorry repeatedly, and more recently bum, on a loop, to a made up tune, “Bum bum bumbumbum bumbum bum bum bumbum.” We have even had a chorus of, “Big willie big willie.” Jon and I were so alarmed we said nothing, fortunately that hasn’t turned into a phase, yet.

I know full well that the best way to nip an undesirable phase in the bud is to ignore it, but by golly these children were sent to try me. I think I’ve silently shouted SHUT THE FUCK UP far too many times to count today. Both boys are currently in a phase of pushing each other. Some phases they go through together, others are negotiated alone. I try so hard to ignore it, I think I’ve got about a 90% success rate, but it is tempting to give them a shove every now and then to see how they like it. Eddie particularly is freakishly strong and has nearly taken me down on more than one occasion. I’m aware the boys use phases to test me, and poor increasingly grey Jon, to check the rules still apply, to push their boundaries as they develop and grow, the poor souls do have lots of boundaries in place. I tell myself it must be fun being 2, perhaps it’s not. Learning phases are better, I like those ones; watching or listening to them do 1 particular thing on a loop for days. Frustrating to watch but satisfying when completed. Ruru has just successfully negotiated a phase of desperately wanting to put his own wellie boots on.It’s done now, he can do it without thinking, even if he does look special with them on the wrong feet. When will he learn not to push? No way near as quickly as the wellie task. Typical.

My biscuit love goes through phases, I went off them for a few weeks or so, imagine that. I wanted something different or exciting for my evening snack, Swizzels Drumstick Squashies (I left a packet of these on a shop counter today, even though I’d paid for them, I’m very upset) or a milkshake or Milka chocolate or just good ole toast, but I’m back in a biscuit phase, just plain dippable, basic biscuits. My biscuit phases don’t teach me anything, other than where to buy plus sized clothing. I can’t fathom why I would go off them for a while, but I do and I will again. I just hope when Ruru’s boob phase passes it’s gone for good.


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